Don’t Sit too Close to the Elephant!
DISCLAIMER: I haven’t said this for awhile, so I think it is due. When I write about these little events that happened in my life, I am writing what I remember and how I remember it. My memory is not always 100% accurate. I do not purposefully try to distort the truth or make up parts I don’t remember. I actually remember some things wrong. However, until the day when Rachel writes about our shared moments, All you have available to you is my version.
When Joshua, our oldest, was a little guy, before his brother who is five years younger was even born, we wanted to take him to see the circus at Freeman Coliseum. I probably put off getting tickets too long. I’m not sure. Rachel had told me at the time not to buy expensive seats. So, I bought the cheapest seats they had towards the middle of one end of the coliseum. They had some in the middle of the coliseum that were slightly cheaper, but, I had gone to many events there throughout my life and was convinced that there were no bad seats. I was wrong. I was utterly and completely wrong!
We climbed and climbed towards our seats until we reached the last row of actual seats. Then, higher up in the dark under the rafters, in that very moment, I learned that they had several rows of backless benches. Everyone else must have known. As I remember it, we were the only ones up there.
Because we were so high, the rigging for the trapeze and other acts pretty much blocked out the view of anything that wasn’t on the floor directly in front of us. We saw very few of the circus acts. I wonder what Josh thought of it all. He must have wondered what was so great about circuses. Rachel and I were not happy, and I felt a lot of guilt for ruining Joshua’s first circus experience. Would he grow up to be like his mother? She doesn’t like circuses or parades
The next year, the circus came back to town. This time, I called and got our tickets the day sales opened. I almost said I bought them online, but the internet wasn’t at that stage of development, yet. Without consulting Rachel, who can be a bit frugal, if you ask me, I bought the most expensive tickets they had. We were in the second row of folding chairs- down on the arena floor. We were also smack dab in the middle. If it were a football game, I would tell you it was the 50-yard line.
Unfortunately, the magic of the circus ended for me when all of the animals and circus performers made their grand entrance. They paraded right in front of us, less than 15 feet away. Instead of seeing beautiful women in sparkly costumes and happy smiling clowns, we witnessed a parade of despair. Everyone looked tired and haggard. The costumes looked old and worn. One lady even had rips in her fishnet stockings. The men leading the animals looked dirty, unshaven, and in some cases under the influence of something. It was heartbreaking. Fortunately, little Joshua was seeing it through the unjaded eyes of youth. He saw magic and wonder.
No matter how worn and tired the circus seemed, I did enjoy watching all the acts. I have always loved going to the circus. It was still exciting and sometimes frightening to watch those daring and dangerous performances. But, the elephant act put an end to any sliver of enjoyment I might have had left.
There was an elephant touring with the circus that year that was billed as "The Fastest Elephant on Earth". I don’t remember the elephant’s name. I tried researching on the internet, but kept getting led down a rabbit hole. Anyway, they would parade this elephant around while the ringmaster talked about its amazing abilities to build up the audience’s excitement. Then they would back him up as close to the edge of the ring as possible. We were absolutely thrilled. They backed him up right in front of us. We could almost touch him. We definitely could smell him.
Rachel looked over at me and mouthed, "He stinks!" Before I could agree with her, that elephant lifted his tail and farted right in front of us. It seemed to last about 10 seconds and made an unbelievably loud trumpet sound. I burst out laughing and looked over at Rachel. She had a look of amazement on her face. It didn’t stay there long. Suddenly a wave of heavy, moist, and definitely malodorous air smacked us in the face before landing and making itself at home all over us. We were disgusted, horrified and befuddled at the same time. I don’t think any of us saw that stupid elephant run across the arena.
That was the last circus act I saw. I sat in my seat for the rest of the show trying not to breath hard enough to smell anything. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. It totally ruined my last circus experience. Fortunately for Joshua, he wasn’t too bothered and seemed to enjoy the rest of the circus. That's a good thing, because I swore I would never go to one again. I have kept my promise. That was pretty easy to do since most of the circuses have shut down anyway.
So, here is the takeaway lesson: Operas, circuses, ballets, and stage shows are best watched from a distance. That way, you can take in the spectacle without seeing the blemishes. And, there is less risk of smelling the elephants.